Why I Don’t Want to Be Like My Mother
My mother immigrated from Ghana to the United Kingdom in the 1970s. She worked tirelessly for more than 30 years as a nurse for the National Health Service. She was a strong, hardworking, and independent woman. Watching my mother work her fingers to the bone every day was inspiring and it pushed me to become hardworking, focused, and dedicated to my goals however, I don’t want to be like my mother. Although I recognize that I have similar traits, there are some things that I would rather not experience.
Often, we look up to our parents in awe, hoping to be just like them when we grow up. However, we also witness the struggle that our parents endured to make our lives better, to put food on the table. Some parents even endured abusive relationships to ensure that we grew up with both parents. I think it is important to recognize some of the mistakes that our parents made to avoid making some of the same mistakes. Life will never be perfect but I for one would like to skip some of the hardships my mother faced, I also hope to make better choices in some aspects of my life.
Here are some of the reasons why I don’t want to be like my mother.
I Don’t Want to Work For 30 Years in The Same Job Until I Retire
Watching my mother wake up every day exhausted and run down to head to work in all types of weather, wind, rain, snow, and hail to put food on the table was painful. I even started a business when I was 13 because I wanted to ease the burden and contribute to the household financially. Watching my mother work so hard every day made me realize that I don’t want to live like that. I knew very early on that I wanted to do things differently.
As I sit here writing this, I can proudly say that I don’t actually “work” for a living. I wake up each day and write, read, research, and write some more. In my opinion, I have retired already. I will continue to write until my lungs give out. Working and looking forward to the weekend is not my idea of a life. I certainly can’t bash anyone who works a nine-to-five job; it’s perfectly fine. For me, working a job you hate just to put food on the table is a nightmare.
I don’t think my mother hated her job but I think she hated the amount of time she had to spend working to keep a roof over our heads. I don’t want that.
I Don’t Want to Stay in a Marriage For The Sake of The Kids
Growing up, staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids was the norm. Most of my friend's parents got divorced when the kids left home and moved into their own homes. Staying in a marriage when it is clearly over just for the sake of the children is not my idea of a life. I can understand the motive though, healthy, happy children are born out of a healthy, happy, two-parent home. The thing is, children can sense fake love, they can detect when things are not quite right.
I grew up in a household that was completely devoid of love and affection. My parents were not in love, they pushed through and dragged themselves through daily life to provide us with a two-parent home. But the love was missing, I can’t tell you how life would have been if my parents split up however, I can tell you that growing up with two angry, bitter parents was certainly not fun.
I Don’t Want to Marry Someone Who is Not Financially Stable
My father has never been financially stable, I watched my mother pay for things that really my father should have been taking care of. She worked long hours, even worked on weekends to keep a roof over our heads. I certainly don’t want to be in a marriage where my husband is not financially stable. The thing is, people go through tumultuous times, when finances are not completely up to par however, at some point, that has to change. I want my man to step up to the plate and handle his business.
I Don’t Want to Marry Someone With Different Values
Marrying someone with different values is a big no-no for me. What do you teach the kids? How do we provide the kids with a solid value system if we don’t see eye to eye in that area? Nah! I need a man with similar morals and values otherwise it can’t happen! My parents had completely different value systems and belief systems. We grew up confused, and in the past three to four years, I have had to work through a whole lot of issues because of the confusion and conflict that I grew up in.
I am proud of the strength and independence my mother displayed when we were growing up. However, I don’t want to struggle like her, I don’t want to waste my life with the wrong man as she did, and I don’t want to look back on my life with regret when I grow old. Watch your parents closely, you might just avoid some of the mistakes they made to live a healthier, happier more purposeful life.
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